The decision to enter into recovery is one that comes with a wide range of emotions from anxiety to excitement. It is also a deeply personal journey, one that requires not just a life-long commitment, but also with that courage and self-awareness.
While having a strong support system is a crucial part of the overall recovery journey, at the end of the day, the only person who can truly control their recovery is the person in recovery.
One of the most crucial, yet often overlooked, components of the recovery process is establishing and maintaining boundaries. Boundaries are important in that they allow for safeguarding and protecting both the emotional and physical well-being of the person who is in recovery.
So, if you are someone who is newly sober, or you are supporting someone who is and want to know more about setting boundaries in recovery, keep reading to learn more.
Why Are Boundaries Important in Recovery?
As we just mentioned, at its core, setting boundaries, especially in recovery, allows for a layer of protection against potentially unhealthy or even harmful situations or vices. As it relates to sobriety and recovery specifically, boundaries serve as the framework for both healthy relationships and, more importantly, self-respect.
After all, you can’t repair your relationships with others before you first repair your relationship with yourself.
When it comes to recovery specifically, setting boundaries and adhering to them can help protect yourself from triggers, toxic people or situations, and, as a result, relapse. Beyond that, boundaries can also help with:
- Regaining control of your life
- Protecting your emotional and mental health
- Cultivating healthier relationships
- Defining values and priorities
- Ensuring your needs are met
Without setting these clear boundaries, not only do you risk putting yourself back in situations that could lead to a relapse, but you also add unneeded feelings of stress that may be difficult to properly manage. By setting these boundaries, you allow yourself to have better control over your life and well-being.
Understanding the Different Types of Boundaries
While many people may associate boundaries as something physical, boundaries can actually be categorized into several different types, each serving a distinct purpose in maintaining your overall health.
In addition to physical boundaries, there can also be emotional and social boundaries that you may choose to set in recovery. So, with that in mind, let’s take a look at the different types of boundaries that are important in recovery.
Physical boundaries are by far the most common and easiest to explain. As you can probably guess, physical boundaries pertain to your personal space, body, and physical needs. These boundaries help you communicate what is acceptable when it comes to touch, proximity, and your overall physical environment.
Some examples of setting physical boundaries in recovery may include:
- Choosing not to attend any event or gathering where drugs or alcohol will be present
- Ensuring your living space remains a safe and sober environment
- Actively doing things that are healthy and good for your body such as prioritizing adequate sleep, nutrition, and physical activity
While being firm with the physical boundaries you set may seem selfish or even result in what you think will be awkward situations, it is important to remember that, when it comes to your sobriety, you should always be your number one priority. Additionally, if you have truly supportive friends and family, then they will honor and respect the boundaries you have set in order to help yourself.
In addition to the physical boundaries you set, there are also the emotional ones. Emotional boundaries are important in that they help protect your overall mental health and well-being, something that can be particularly fragile for those in the early stages of recovery.
Examples of emotional boundaries you may choose to enact include:
- Not allowing others to blame you for their problems
- Politely declining to engage in conversations that feel overwhelming or triggering
- Recognizing when to step away from emotionally charged situations to avoid burnout
Once again, as we mentioned with physical boundaries, while these emotional boundaries may seem selfish, or at times even rude, if you feel it’s what needs to be done in order to properly, and successfully navigate your sobriety then that’s all that matters. Furthermore, anyone who is truly in support of what you are doing will understand.
Social boundaries tend to overlap a little with both physical and emotional boundaries in that both are often required when navigating social settings. Social boundaries define how you interact with others and the limits you set in your relationships. These boundaries ensure that your social interactions support your recovery rather than hinder it.
Some specific examples of social boundaries in recovery include:
- Spending less time with people who don’t respect your sobriety
- Clearly stating your expectations for interactions, such as avoiding substance-related topics
- Taking breaks from socializing when you feel drained
Steps to Identify and Establish Healthy Boundaries
Now that we have gone over the different types of boundaries and shared some examples, it’s important to talk about the ways in which you can come up with and institute these boundaries.
Let’s take a look at some of the things you can do to identify and establish healthy boundaries:
- Define Your Values – Before you can set boundaries, you first have to identify what your goals are in recovery. Based on those goals, you can set boundaries that can help you achieve them.
- Identify Your Limits – You also need to have an honest conversation with yourself about what you will and won’t tolerate as a sober person. This will allow you to clearly draw the line and stay strong.
- Reflect On Your Past – Think about times in the past when you may have found yourself in uncomfortable or even dangerous positions. You will want to set specific boundaries to make sure you don’t find yourself in the same or similar positions.
- Start Small – As we mentioned earlier, sobriety is a lifelong journey. Therefore, you don’t have to accomplish everything in one day. When it comes to creating boundaries, start small and then work your way up to more challenging dynamics.
Communicating Boundaries Effectively
Once you have identified and established the boundaries you want to enact, it’s important to share those boundaries with those closest to you. After all, what good is having a group of people for support if you aren’t on the same page as them?
Here are some things you can do to effectively communicate the boundaries you have set up:
- Be Direct – Clearly state your boundary without ambiguity. For example, “I’m not comfortable attending events where alcohol is served.”
- Use “I” Statements – Frame your boundary in terms of your feelings and needs, such as “I need time to focus on my recovery.”
- Stay Calm – Maintain a composed demeanor to avoid escalating tensions.
- Repeat if Necessary – If someone challenges your boundary, restate it firmly and consistently.
Overcoming Guilt When Setting Boundaries
We touched on it when we discussed the different types of boundaries, but, as humans, there is a natural tendency to feel selfish or even guilty when it comes to prioritizing ourselves and our well-being over others.
While these feelings of selfishness or guilt aren’t uncommon, it’s also important to remember that, especially when it comes to sobriety and recovery, ultimately we are the only ones that can truly control our actions and behaviors. Boundaries are simply a way in which we can better put ourselves in control of situations in order to be successful.
So, if you are feeling guilty or selfish for instituting boundaries, especially boundaries relating to friends, family, or loved ones, consider doing the following:
- Remind Yourself of Your Worth – Boundaries are a form of self-respect and self-care, not selfishness.
- Practice Self-Compassion – Acknowledge that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. Recovery is about growth, not perfection.
- Seek Validation – Discuss your feelings with a therapist or support group to gain perspective and reassurance.
Dealing with Pushback from Others
Now, this isn’t to say that everything will go perfectly and everyone will just accept the boundaries you have made. Despite your best wishes, not everyone may respect your boundaries. It’s important to remember that just as you have the right to institute boundaries, those around you also have the right not to honor them.
If you find yourself in a situation where you may be receiving pushback from a boundary or boundaries you have instituted, the most important thing to remember is to stay firm and not back down. After all, these boundaries were set because they are what are in the best interest of you and your sobriety.
Additionally, should you find yourself in the presence of someone who repeatedly disrupts or ignores the boundaries you have created then you may want to consider distancing yourself from that person.
Learn More About Setting Boundaries in Recovery at Acqua Recovery
At Acqua Recovery, we understand the challenges of setting boundaries. That’s why, in addition to our treatment services, we also offer aftercare and alumni programs in order to help those in recovery successfully navigate their sober journey through life.
For more information about any of our treatment programs, contact us today.
